The Friendship of Dinah Laurel Lance and Barbara Gordon
by Dagenspear
Summary: A great friendship doesn't always begin nicely. But it can be something that will help save your life.


Barbara digs through her things, trying to find it. She was sure she'd put it in her bag.

"Looking for something…?"

Barbara turned around to see Laurel standing at the door to her room, holding the revolver in her hand, by the handle. She tossed it to Barb.

"I took it from your bag, along with this…" Laurel continued, pulling a folded up piece of paper out of her pocket, with an address and name on it. "I had to look it up before I realize who this was. You're fifteen and you're actually gonna go try to murder your mom's killer…"

Barbara corrected through gritted teeth, "Murderer. He murdered my mother. I was there. My mom wasn't drunk like the coroner said, the guy didn't try to stop like he said, he actually sped up. He murdered her and got off scot free." Barb started to put the gun back in her bag.

Laurel immediately responded to that. "Don't bother. I took the bullets out."

Barb snapped at that, "You don't have the right to get involved in my life!"

Laurel bit right back, "But you have the right to do this?!"

Barbara grabbed her bag, coldly saying, "I'm not your replacement little sister. Don't treat me like it." She started to push her way past Laurel, who grabbed her arm.

Laurel shot back, "Is that really what you think, that I wanna replace Sara?" Anger starting to rise along with sadness.

Barbara, now stepping back, with slight guilt and anger overtaking, "It's called big sister/little sister for a reason."

Laurel took in a deep breath to calm herself, "You don't wanna replace your mom…"

Barbara, angry at the idea, responded, "Of course not."

Laurel replied simply, "Then why do you think that I'd wanna replace Sara?"

Barb couldn't argue with her in that, then asking, "Then why'd you sign up for this? Why me? Just… why?"

Laurel looked down for a second, contemplatively, before returning her eyesight to Barbara, answering, "You weren't the only teen that had lost a parent. Some had left them, some had passed on, awhile ago or recently. But you were so angry and in pain, more than them. You'd went from straight A's to F's, you didn't go to school, you started fighting. Yeah, a lot of the others were angry, but you were the only one that wanted to sabotage everything in your life because of it."

Barbara bit back, "So, pity?"

Laurel shook her head simply, "No. Because I have experience with that. I recognized myself in you. I thought… because of that, I could help you more than I could help anyone else."

Barb scoffed at that. "Like you know anything about what I'm feeling."

Laurel kept her eyes trained on Barbara, sternly coming back with, "You're very wrong If you think that just because I don't seem like I have problems I don't." Laurel takes a tense breath, like she's hesitant to even say it. "Did you know that my sister died having an affair with my boyfriend? And ever since my dad has crawled in a bottle and never come out. He doesn't eat. He spends all his time after work in a bar before passing out at home or… anywhere else. And my mom's left us." Laurel's anger begins to rise along with her voice. "But who could blame her when her husband would rather drink himself into the gutter than help her in her grief when she can't even get out of bed for a month and when she finally does, he throws a liquor bottle at her for trying to get him to stop!" Deep sadness reflected in her eyes, that sadness only fueling her anger. "And it's all because Sara had an affair with Oliver. And we're all just here to pick up the pieces, and I have to find dad every night and make sure he hasn't gotten himself killed, that he doesn't starve himself or dress in the same clothes every day and it's just me holding everything up and I can't and I'm so angry that I can barely sleep!" She closed her eyes, trying to hold back her tears. "Because what Sara did ruined our lives and I don't think we'll ever be whole again. And I hate myself, because a big part of me wants to hate her for all of that. I know I can't though." Laurel took a deep breath and looked down, almost ashamed of herself for being angry.

Barbara just stared at her, as she could feel herself wanting to say something, anything to try and… help, "Been holding that in?" It was actually a relief when she saw Dinah smirk a little, before looking back up at her and nodding. Barbara remembered when she wanted to try and make people smile. But any kind of fun or smiling anymore felt like a betrayal to her mom's death. That relief was gone and all she could wonder then was, "Why?"

"What?" Laurel questioned.

Barbara quickly answered, "Why can't you hate Sara?"

Laurel immediately and simply said, "Because she's my sister. And if I let myself feel that, then that's it. I can't take it back." Laurel wiped away her tears that were beginning to spring to her eyes. "I'll never be able to forgive her. We'll never be able to make up. Never be able to laugh about how stupid it was that we thought Oliver mattered. Not in this life. And I don't think I could live with myself knowing that."

Barbara saw in Dinah's eyes that she was being genuine and looked away.

Laurel got back to her goal, continuing, "I made a choice not to do that. And you can choose to too. You still have so much in your life. Your dad, what you can do with computers is so beyond me, it's…"

"I don't have my dad!" Barbara suddenly snapped. It wasn't mean. She wasn't angry anymore. Just sad.

Laurel looked at Barbara and could see it. They had more in common than she thought. Barbara at least felt that what she was saying was true. Laurel had to know for sure. "What do you mean?"

Barbara kept her eyes on the floor, in shame, as she spoke through her teary voice, "He'll barely look at me. Let alone talk to me. That's why he signed me up for the big sister/little sister program. So he wouldn't have to. He blames me, for what happened."

"That can't be true-" Laurel tried to say. She wished that something like that never happened. But she knew from personal experience that it did. Her heart broke for her. She was just a kid. No son or daughter should be in a position to feel like their parent doesn't want them around or even alive.

"It is true." Barbara replied, finally looking back up at Dinah. "And maybe he's right. She died because she had to come pick me up from my advanced courses. If I hadn't been that obsessed with trying to be more, she wouldn't have been driving down that street."

Laurel couldn't stand to hear anymore of this. "You can't know that. I'm sorry, but you just can't. You're not responsible just because you wanted to achieve more in your life. You couldn't know what would happen." In that moment Laurel realized that was the real reason why she'd been failing. "That's the reason your failing though, isn't it? You feel guilty, so you refuse to try, because that's what you feel killed your mom. Do you really think that destroying your life like that, or especially like this-" Laurel pointed to the gun still in Barbara's hand. "-is what she would have wanted?"

Barbara, keeping her eyes on the floor, angrily said, "The dead don't want anything."

Laurel walked right up to her, saying, "That's crap. You know it's crap. Anyone who pretends that those we've lost don't want anything is being an idiot and I know that isn't you." Laurel takes a moment to look at Barbara, her eyes still down, before realizing outloud, "You want to think that, though. You're afraid of the responsibility of what your mom wants. So, let's look at this a different way: Is this what you want? Is this what you want to be? Is this what your mom's death means to you? Is this what you want her death to mean for your life? Do you want her death to mean nothing, but more death?"

Barbara tried to sucked her tears in now. She was so confused about everything in her life. "What do you expect me to do?"

Laurel took in a deep breath, even she wasn't sure. How could she explain something so complicated to a 15 year old broken young woman? How could she explain how to make it through the hardships and bad of life? "I… Pain exists… and I… You have to take the pain that's given to you and… use it. Make your mom's death matter." Laurel places her hand onto the gun still in Barbara's. "Don't destroy yourself because of it. Nothing changes then. And you can accomplish so much more than that."

Barbara finally lifted her head, but without looking at Dinah. She took in a deep breath and let her tears flow freely from her eyes. "Why do you even care?" She then looked at Dinah. For the first time knowing that she didn't have to be afraid of her vulnerability.

Laurel looked Barbara right in the eyes ans says simply, "Because I care."

Barbara handed the gun over to Dinah. And with that she began crying, tears rushing down her cheeks.

And Laurel hugged her, holding her close, as she buried her face into her shoulder.

Through her tears, Barbara says, "I miss my mom."

And Laurel, nearly brought to tears, just responds, "I know."

And later, as they sat on Barbara's bed and talked calmly, Barbara understood how far she could've gone. "I don't even know what I thought I could do. I could've gotten myself killed or worse."

Laurel just nodded, before saying, "I think we should tell your dad about this."

Barbara looked down, in both fear and shame. "Do we have to?"

Laurel placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "You'll never be able to move forward if you just try to hide your problems."

Barbara looked back Dinah, scared. "What if he hates me?"

"He's your dad. He loves you." Laurel had to admit to herself that even she wasn't sure how this would play out. "That's not gonna change." But she had to hope.

Barbara nodded and smiled a little.

Laurel smiled a little back, before realizing that there'd been enough seriousness. "One question though: How'd you get the address?"

Barbara just straight responds, "I memorized his license plate." And seeing the completely blank cocked eyebrow questioning look on Dinah's face, clarifies, "I have an eidetic memory."

Laurel simply responds to that with, "Huh. Cool."

And, for the first time in months, Barbara laughed.

 **Thank you very much for reading! Please review and tell me what you think! Have a very great day!**

 **God bless you all!**


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